AMELIA

Feeling great… Just complete my PP report that have been hanging ard for months. so happy… now have to wait for approval ler… Pray hard that they will approve my report so that i can carry on with the poster then i’m done with my PP.

Yesterday went for fragrance ware hse sales…. Super excited n happy. Bought alot of perfume at damn cheap…. most of them less then $20 onli… great deals… also got a elle bag that was selling at $35 only…. hehe!!!

Had great fun sniffing all the perfume but my smell kind of numb after a few rounds of smelling. Orh.. i learn sumthing… smelling coffee beans will help to clear all those smell n will be refresh… so can start smelling again…..HAHA!!!

So nice to be back home with the TV noise only. So long dun have such atmosphere and how i long it will last longer.

Good to catch up with geok n sze…. i think it will be wonderful that i can have meet up my grps of frenz like say once a wk it will be great…. but all of us are so busy with our own stuff… so every meet up i do treasure it.

Today finally got a reply and got to start saving up ler…. Must find more part-time jobs to earn more ler…. BTW thanks Sherlyn… Thanks for giving me advice and be my listener…it was great help to me.. as i know that u will nv say i’m crazy when i have a decision. Feel so gd aft telling sum1 who is willing to listen to me. Thanks for the time.

Anyway…. i will try my best to live the life that i wan… and of cos not regrettin my decision..

Had a bad dream… afraid that it might be true… i think it increase to my decision to 80% ler…

Sumtimes really dun understand human being… especially ladies or infact woman. When sumting happen, they will try to take of other SOOOOO greatful reason that can cover those ugly side.. Just like gettin more sympathy… i think its all hypocrite.

Haiz… hate it when i make a decision nobody support me… but eventually i will learn not to tell anyone..  Infact there are many things that i did not tell anyone… But sumtimes i feel that it is pretty unhealthy.. Anyway there are many decisions that i have made.. Its just a matter of time when i’m goin to say it… n wat i have decided to keep in me 4ever.

Trying hard to keep myself super busy so that i will not think too much… i think it’s abt time to go n look for other wkends part-time job ler…

I think i’m 75% sure of carrying out wat i wan to do aft reading up on all those relavent article. The risk is really very little and is less than a day…

I have calculated and I can save at least $100 on my monthly expenses  and in the future i do not have to bare so much responsibilities and i can travel to wherever i wan when i have extra saving. I do not have to worry so much.

I think i prefer to lead this kind of life and not having to answer or report to any1 abt what i wan to do and where i wan to go. I dun wan to be tied down by anything and any1.

I wan to live by myself.

WHO on earth can understand what i’m goin through now?

WHY i’m not living the life that i wan to live?

WHEN can i get the freedom to choose?

WHAT is the best solution to all my fears?

Have been bothering with all this questions for many many months. I tot that it will be kept in me for the rest of my life but i think i have reach my own limit of trying to keep all this….

RESPONSIBILITY!!! i think it is all abt responsiblity… if you cant be responsible then dun go for it…. I think i’m not responsible enough… I dun wan to cause a burden to others like what others are doin to me now…

I used to look forward for my futher life but not since a few months back… I’m kind of afraid to think what is ahead… I’m afriad that i will be like the person who will only say abt others but r doing exactly the same thing of wat the person she is sayin abt. I dun wan to be like her…. I wan to prevent all this from happenin… N aft thinkin for so long i think that the best n onli way is to go for it once i can anyway i’m afraid to step into another relation.

I wan to life on my own with a care free life!!!

Super sianz… I just refuse to return home but haiz… no choice have to..

But i tried to delay time by walkin instead of takin bus… I walk from AMK interchange back home… It took me ard 1/2 hr… gd exercise.. hehe… I wanted to walk from my office but i’m not sure of the route… so have to take bus to AMK…

Sometimes i really wonder y i do not live a life of a near 20 young adults like what ppl at that age are doing now… but living in a life like a 30+ 40 old woman… I think at my age i should be like have more parties and chillin out with my frenz on wkend or at nite but it is always not the case. Most of the time i’m stayin at home doin things that i do not wish to.

Thinkin when will i be able to clear my debts (ren xing) or will i not be able to clear…. I’m really trying hard to pay for my own expenses (bills n everything) even when coming to leisure(handphone, travel) i also wanna think twice whether i can afford myself before wanting to carry it out. I really do not want to owe any ppl this kind of $$$…. Even when buying software n so on… i also dun wan to get them to pay for me.. I really dun wan to have those debt. I think that they might feel that it is my duty to do the stuff to pay them back.

HAIZ….REALLY CANT UNDERSTAND…ARH!!! I FEEL LIKE I’M NOT LIVING A LIFE OF MY OWN BUT LIVING FOR THE SICK OF LIVING